Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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