i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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