Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
