u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
