Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
