The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
