I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
