Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
