Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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