Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
