I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
