I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
