the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
