I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
