did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
