i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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