I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
