Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
