playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
