I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
