I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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