He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
