He told me they were just razor bumps!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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