I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
