she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
