He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
