Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
