can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
a search helicopter?!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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