Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
