hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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