is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
