She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
