After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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