I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
