She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
