We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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