I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
