The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
