there's paper in my vomit.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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