btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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