Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
