blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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