Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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