I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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