I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
