He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
