I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
