someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
