Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
