u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
