yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
