Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
