I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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