Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
